March 13, 2020. That was the day. We never could have comprehended the drastic impact that date would have on the trajectory of our lives. March 13, 2020 was the day my 16 year old brother, Sam, was overwhelmed by obsessive darkness and chose to end his life.
Because of his outgoing personality and infectious energy, most who knew Sam were baffled to learn that he was privately fighting a continuing battle with depression. This picture taking our littlest brother Spencer hunting just days before his death is the last we have of him. Sam, while far from perfect, had a remarkable gift of helping others, young and old, feel important. He was just so good at making people smile. Losing him has left a gaping hole in our mourning family and in the lives of those who had been touched by his love.
All of us know individuals who have experienced the soul-crushing gloom of depression. It may be you. It may be a sibling. Maybe it’s a classmate whose light seems to have been replaced by a pervading sadness. It may even be the kid leading the student section at the ball game, with all the energy and fire a testosterone-filled-teenage-boy can possess. That was Sam.
Regardless of our current circumstances, we can all grow in our ability to help ourselves and others. After months of pouring my thoughts and feelings into pages of writing in an attempt to make sense of this awful reality, and with encouragement from family, I've decided to start this blog. I feel that there is a great need, not only for a greater awareness of mental illness and suicide, but also for an increased capacity and know-how in helping ourselves and others. That being said, this blog will focus mainly on increasing confidence in the battle with darkness, developing our own competence in knowing how to face these challenges, and most importantly, expanding hope while facing trials and tragedy. Without the light of hope, we are lost.
But there is always hope through Jesus Christ. My hope is that these writings, which will draw upon personal experiences, Christian doctrine, research, and the well-thought-out opinions of others, can act as a resource for any who wish for greater confidence, competence, and hope in the fight against mental illness. I invite you to read these posts seeking guidance and the precious fruits of the Spirit, namely love, joy, peace, and faith. (Galatians 5:22)
Sam said in his note to us - "I believe you guys can get thru this trial and change it into a blessing so you can all come closer together.. I love you all so much..."
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