Increasing Hope, Confidence, and Competence

My angel Mother hosted a Teen discussion to help the youth in the fight with suicide and to give guidance to those who are seeking for peace regarding Sam's death. She is amazing and I love her so much for putting her whole heart and soul into inspiring hope, building confidence, and helping others develop a greater competence to conquer the darkness surrounding so many. We will not be silent about suicide! No one needs to suffer alone!  To help with the discussion,  Mom put together a list of suggestions based on our family's experiences. These are things that we know did help Sam when he was applying them, along with things we feel could have helped him had he chosen to stay. Many of these points also apply to those who wish to help friends who might be suffering. They are simple but meaningful suggestions that can be applied by anyone seeking for greater hope, confidence, and competence. We are all in a fight to save lives. Please feel free to share these suggestions with a...

What happened to Sam, and others who died by suicide, IMMEDIATELY after they passed away? This is one of those questions we don't know the answers to fully and maybe won't know the details until after this life. I’d like to someday read and match my understanding to the many stories of those who have died temporarily and come back to tell their story. The insights I have gained have helped me to have a much greater hope that those who have left us will be ok. My thought process on it may not be totally doctrinally accurate, but for now, it's the best I can come up with, so here we go!  First of all – I need to be clear of my feelings and I won’t beat around the bush. This might start off sounding hopeless at the beginning because reality needs to be addressed, but I promise – this is a message of hope! Correcting False Notions Sam messed up. Ending his life was a huge mistake. He wanted so badly to find relief from his depression and the hopelessness he felt. He told us...

Where are the spirits of those who have left this life? What do they do for the rest of time? Those are some of the most natural questions we ask ourselves when a loved one dies. A couple weeks ago, I drove by the mortuary where we were able to see my brother shortly before the funeral. As I drove by, my heart dropped.  I remembered how awful I felt being there that day. When Sam died, my sister and her husband were on vacation in India across the world. My twin brothers, who are closest in age to Sam, were both serving missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Mexico. That was the first time they had seen Sam's body since his spirit had departed. I hated it. I saw Sam just hours before and then not long after he died.. But there in the mortuary... the lifelessness of his physical body was so painfully obvious. My siblings handled it surprisingly well. Why? I think because it was just so clear that this was not our Sam . Like an empty glove, we were seeing an ...

What do you say when a friend trusts you enough to share that they're feeling suicidal? That's a very real question we likely all will face sometime in life. I wish I had an answer that fit every situation... but I don't think there is one because we are all unique. I'm no expert, but I hope this helps some.  In this situation, you can act as a first-responder. First of all - please thank and encourage your friend with all the love and energy you can muster! Opening up about suicidal thoughts can be so hard to do. If we respond to such a brave step with hesitancy, not taking them seriously, or with any hint of judgement, we run the risk of shattering their confidence in us and themselves. The FIRST THING to do is treat their situation seriously, thank them for being so open, and just love them like crazy. Nothing is more important and powerful than love. And you should know that professionals agree that talking about suicide does not make them more likely to end their l...

There is so much we do not know about suicide. We don't know all the details of what happens when someone leaves this life. Trust me, I would love to ask my brother, Sam, what he was thinking when he took that step... But we just can't understand all the reasons why someone would make such a drastic and permanent decision. And really, a lengthy discussion trying to find answers to some of those unanswerable questions just isn't very helpful or effective. However, I want to be absolutely clear in regards to suicide. Suicide is NOT the answer . My brother made a mistake - A permanent and tragic mistake.  Suicide is NOT an easy way out. Many people, including my brother, feel that they are in darkness. They begin to feel that the pain will never go away in this life, so they mistakenly reason that ending their life is the only way for relief. That couldn't be more false! The decision my brother made to end his life was not okay. It was a mistake that he made being very, v...

March 13, 2020. That was the day. We  never could have comprehended the  drastic impact that date would have on the trajectory of our lives. March 13, 2020 was the day my 16 year old brother, Sam, was overwhelmed by obsessive darkness and chose to end his life.   Because of his outgoing personality and infectious energy, most who knew Sam were baffled to learn that he was privately fighting a continuing battle with depression. This picture taking our littlest brother Spencer hunting just days before his death is the last we have of him. Sam, while far from perfect, had a remarkable gift of helping others, young and old, feel important. He was just so good at making people smile. Losing him has left a gaping hole in our mourning family and in the lives of those who had been touched by his love.  All of us know individuals who have experienced the soul-crushing gloom of depression. It may be you. It may be a sibling. Maybe it’s a classmate whose light seems t...