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I'm Nervous - How will I know what to say if a friend opens up about suicidal thoughts? (7-8 Min Read)

What do you say when a friend trusts you enough to share that they're feeling suicidal? That's a very real question we likely all will face sometime in life. I wish I had an answer that fit every situation... but I don't think there is one because we are all unique. I'm no expert, but I hope this helps some. 

In this situation, you can act as a first-responder. First of all - please thank and encourage your friend with all the love and energy you can muster! Opening up about suicidal thoughts can be so hard to do. If we respond to such a brave step with hesitancy, not taking them seriously, or with any hint of judgement, we run the risk of shattering their confidence in us and themselves. The FIRST THING to do is treat their situation seriously, thank them for being so open, and just love them like crazy. Nothing is more important and powerful than love. And you should know that professionals agree that talking about suicide does not make them more likely to end their life. 

There's a couple thoughts that help me have confidence and feel competent in helping when someone opens up about suicidal tendencies. They both actually come from scriptures in the Bible: 

1. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 

2. The night before Jesus died, He gave His disciples a promise. He said, "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance..." (John 14:26). 

As a senior in high school, I knew NOTHING about addressing mental illness and suicide. I remember when my friend called me about a struggling mutual friend and said, "Tim, ____ is going to kill herself!" I freaked. I was terrified. I ran out of the house to try to get to her as fast as possible. Luckily, she was okay. That year I felt like I was almost always on suicide alert and it exhausted my mental and emotional health. 

Looking back 10 years later - I did my best, but I did it almost all wrong. First of all, I didn't know there were resources out there. I didn't take care of my own mental health, which became a wreck. And super important - I didn't use those 2 scriptures! Fear directed my life and my actions while trying to help this friend. 

Fear doesn't come from God. If fear is driving your actions, it's time to step back and re-evaluate. First and foremost, when you are responding to someone's openness about suicidality, pray like crazy. God knows His children and how to help them. He can use you to bless, and even save them. Then, we can recognize God's help in the form of an increase of love, empowerment, and a "sound mind." We can trust that. Seek for and recognize those results from God's Spirit. If we don't experience those in our efforts to respond, we need to re-evaluate and let faith in God, not fear, serve as a lighthouse to guide us in the right direction. 

Now, these first principles are important, but not specific. There are specific and proven things that can help your response to a struggling loved one to be effective. Many much smarter and experienced than myself, have gone down this path before - LEARN FROM THEM! There is SO MUCH research being done to help in this fight with mental illness and suicide. I'll list some basic resources here to help get you started. One of the main points of this blog is to increase our COMPETENCE in being able to actually help those who suffer. Alot of times we limit ourselves and how competent we can become because the topic of suicide makes us uncomfortable. Don't limit yourself. You can become a competent first responder to someone feeling suicidal. Think about it this way - If you had a physics test coming up, you'd study physics. If you had a basketball tryout next week, you'd get out and practice. If you had a job interview tomorrow, you'd spend some time preparing your responses to be professional and meaningful.  Right? 

We SHOULD be prepared by knowing how to recognize suicide warning signs. We SHOULD be familiar with the many resources and help lines that exist to help guide our efforts. And we SHOULD do whatever we can now to be ready to respond in a helpful and loving way. I am confident that sometime in each of our lives, we will all be in a position to respond to someone who expresses suicidal thoughts. Why would we not study the resources available and strive to be ready for such an occasion? 

That brings us to the second scripture above. Jesus Christ promised that the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, has the ability to teach us all things and bring important things to our remembrance. Especially if you have done what you can to study about mental illness, suicide signs, and other resources, couldn't our loving God send His Spirit to help us save His children? I know He does and He will. He will send the Comforter to bring those things we need to our remembrance in the moment of crisis. We can take comfort in that promise. We don't need to be nervous or afraid. "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear" (Doctrine and Covenants 38:30). 

So... No need to be nervous. You'll be ok. You'll know well enough what to do and say. You might not say everything perfect. Like me in high school, you'll make mistakes. But if you study some of these resources, pray like crazy, and trust that God will give you love, power, and a sound mind, He will help you help your friend because God loves His children. You can become an emotional first-responder, a life-saver, and an instrument in the hands of God. 

Here's some beginning resources to help us be prepared: 

We tried really, really hard to help Sam. I know that dwelling on the past isn't healthy, but I do still have many lingering thoughts about what more we could have done to save Sam. That's a topic for another day. For now, please make yourselves familiar with these resources so that you can be in a position where God can trust you to care for one of His hurting children. You can do it! 

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