What happened to Sam IMMEDIATELY after he passed away? (12-15 Min Read)

What happened to Sam, and others who died by suicide, IMMEDIATELY after they passed away? This is one of those questions we don't know the answers to fully and maybe won't know the details until after this life. I’d like to someday read and match my understanding to the many stories of those who have died temporarily and come back to tell their story. The insights I have gained have helped me to have a much greater hope that those who have left us will be ok. My thought process on it may not be totally doctrinally accurate, but for now, it's the best I can come up with, so here we go! 

First of all – I need to be clear of my feelings and I won’t beat around the bush. This might start off sounding hopeless at the beginning because reality needs to be addressed, but I promise – this is a message of hope!

Correcting False Notions

Sam messed up. Ending his life was a huge mistake. He wanted so badly to find relief from his depression and the hopelessness he felt. He told us in his note that he felt like “it just would not go away” and he thought wrongly that he couldn’t get better, even with all the help he had from loved ones. Man, it hurts to think of the level of despair he felt to drive him to think that suicide would provide him the relief he sought. As his brother, my heart is shattered that he felt so trapped. He was so very wrong.

Often, people will say things like “he’s in a better place,” or “he’s at peace,” or “he’s free from pain.” Those things are mentioned with good intent, but they often are said flippantly, and they don’t provide lasting hope because they are simply not true. Unfortunately, those phrases can even be extremely dangerous in unintentionally granting permission to the next teenager struggling with depression who interprets the message as – “If I want to find relief from my pain, I just have to end my life.” I know that is NOT the intent of those who say these things, and I’ve been guilty of saying similarly myself, but I hope to shed some light on what’s really going on and what really does offer hope. Real hope.

At Sam’s funeral, one of our very close family friends said that Sam probably felt 2 things IMMEDIATELY when he passed into the spirit world: Regret and Love. I agree with that completely. Sam’s note to us said “I’m sorry” 11 times. To me, that’s evidence of the remorse he felt for his decision even BEFORE he acted. Did that just go away when he died? You tell me. When he watched the awful screaming and crying of his family from his view in the spirit world as we found his body, did he feel relief? I was there. It was horrible. The guilt and regret as he watched us must have been excruciating for him. But I do not believe that the sorrow he felt was an isolated feeling. I think that it was accompanied by the transcendent love and gentle attention of a magnificently empathetic Savior.

Sam wanted peace so badly in this life and I believe that he has found a measure of peace in the spirit world. But please - don’t get me wrong. Suicide was NOT an easy out to find relief. It was NOT a fast-pass to a painless existence. No. I think Sam has had to really work for it with the Savior’s help. Those phrases leading us to think that those who die by suicide are immediately “free from pain,” and “in a better place,” are false notions. I’ll explain why. Sam SHOULD have stayed here and kept fighting. If he had, I know that over time he would have attained a level of relief sufficient to continue this life. He could have and should have kept fighting for those joyful experiences he so looked forward to like playing rugby, serving a mission, and getting married. He had so much to live for and God had so many remarkable blessings in store. We would have done anything to help him. Sadly, he sacrificed the remainder of his mortal experience and his body – that sacred gift from God. 

Elder David A Bednar taught, “Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal existence (as spirits).” He essentially said that all these experiences of life “are amplified through our physical bodies.” He said, “In the school of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, ‘according to the flesh’” ("We Believe in Being Chaste, April 2013 Conference). Sam gave up many of those precious experiences.

This physical experience in mortality is beautifully designed to lead us to maximum growth and a fullness of joy. Sam is not“in a better place,” as a spirit. When he left us, his pain was not immediately taken away and he was not immediately at peace. True, his spirit was freed from his depression and his broken physical mind, but I know he felt instant regret and incredible distress. Although I'm confident that Jesus has helped him to heal and repent, I think he still frequently feels pain. I believe that every day when he witnesses at least one of us crying, furious and hurt that he’s not here, he hurts. I don’t know how all those emotions and feelings work in the spirit world, but I don’t believe he is just “free from pain.” Suicide is not the way to find relief. He should be here. We know it, Sam knows it, and God knows it.

Passing into the Spirit World

There’s a scripture in Alma in the Book of Mormon that has thrown me for a loop for years, especially now. In it, Alma says – “concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life” (Alma 40:11).

What does that mean? Did Sam, right after he ended his life, go straight to Heavenly Father? Does it mean he was taken straight into the arms of Jesus? I know Sam wasn't totally clean yet, so that doesn't quite fit with the many scriptures that teach that "no unclean thing can dwell with God" (1 Nephi 10:21).  I guess we don’t know EXACTLY what it means, but this quote gives some clarification - 

President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “These words of Alma, as I understand them, do not intend to convey the thought that all spirits [immediately] go back into the presence of God… ‘Taken home to God,’ simply means that their mortal existence has come to an end, and they have returned to the world of spirits, where they are assigned to a place according to their works with the just or with the unjust, there to await the resurrection” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Answers to Gospel Questions, comp. Joseph FieldingSmith Jr. [1958], 2:85).

From that I take that we don't necessarily go back to meet Him face to face YET – we’re not to that point in God’s plan for us. However, these spirits ARE "home" in the sense that we all are spiritual beings and those who die enter again a world of spirits. We were God’s spirit children living in a spiritual world BEFORE our spirits were housed in a physical body.

To be honest, when I learned this, I was a bit disappointed because I love the mental image of my loved ones dying and immediately being hugged by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. While that's a nice thought, I don’t think that’s the correct order of things. That will come, but later. However, as I've thought about it more, I have found peace in the realization that entering the Spirit world IS actually an incredibly special experience for the righteous, regardless of how you interpret that particular verse. This quote here from Joseph Smith has helped me appreciate how sweet that entrance into the Spirit world was for Sam, who really did try so hard to follow Jesus.

Joseph Smith said, "When I talk to these mourners, what have they lost? Their relatives and friends are only separated from their bodies for a short season: their spirits which existed with God have left the tabernacle of clay only for a little moment, as it were; and they now exist in a place where they converse together the same as we do on the earth" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, pg 353).

So Sam, who made a horrible mistake, but who I believe tried very, very hard in his life to become like Jesus Christ, is now able to spend time with our friends and family who have preceded him into the Spirit world. That's awesome. 

In closing, what did Sam experience immediately when he entered the Spirit world?
Regret blended with an almost overwhelming sense of Love from God and family.

I have absolute trust that the Savior, who went about “suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind,”(Alma 7:11-12) knows how to heal us from pain, sickness, and sin. Alma also made clear one of the reasons Christ suffered those pains so intimately: “that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” Succor literally means “to run to.” What beautiful imagery to know that in our sorrow, our regret, our pain, sickness, temptations, our mental illnesses, and even in death, the Great Physician, the Light of the World, runs to us and provides the healing care that we desperately need.

Jesus Christ is the master Healer. I know He will heal my family and I know that He continues to be my brother’s Healer in the world of spirits. I personally believe that His love and healing power have helped Sam find peace over the last 6 months to the point that his guilt and regret have been overpowered by the joy of forgiveness. I believe that love will continue to motivate him to change, repent, serve God, and touch countless lives. (See my other post on the Spirit world to get a bit more detail about what Sam is doing now.)

God is good and Jesus heals. As my Mom said, Sam is on a "new path." His path now is different than the path he could have enjoyed on earth, but it is one where he will have a chance still to use his talents for good and become what God wants him to become. That course is still possible because God is merciful and does not hold us to our past when we repent. I don't know all that Heavenly Father has in store for Sam at this point, but I do know he is not without hope of Eternal Life. Regarding his remorse – I believe his experience as he continues to exercise faith in Jesus Christ will ultimately be like Alma’s, where his “soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was (his) pain!”(Alma 36:20).  It won’t be easy, but I am so grateful to know that Sam isn’t just sitting in the spirit world forever writhing in guilt. Yes, we wish more than anything that he was here, but I am filled with hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, he has and will be able to experience total and complete healing and peace. Also, I love knowing that there to help him are our incredible ancestors who have watched him throughout his 16 years of life. What a sweet experience to be “home,” embraced by the spirits of those who love him, while still having the opportunity to achieve his full potential through the infinite mercy and Grace of Jesus Christ.   

That understanding gives me hope. God's love is so perfect and I have absolute confidence that my brother is in His gentle care.