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If God is a God of miracles, why do so many people die by suicide? (6-7 Minute Read)

Have Miracles Ceased?

Last week, I was having a discussion with some friends about miracles. I believe in miracles and am so grateful for those I've seen. I believe what Moroni said in the Book of Mormon, that “God has not ceased to be a God of miracles” (Mormon 9:15). I actually just heard a quote I really liked in a movie yesterday, often attributed to Albert Einstein, that said, “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.”  I’ve seen too many “coincidences” to deny that God is a God if miracles. But after the year that my family has had, sometimes the clarity of that statement gets muddled in my scattered brain. I won’t pretend to have many answers with this topic, but maybe some of the insights I’ve gained might help someone else in their search.

If God is a God of miracles, why didn’t He send any of our family to be there for Sam on that cold, terrible day in March? While all unexpected deaths are life-shattering in their own way, suicide is its own category of tragedy. Let me explain. In the wisdom of God, I believe there are various reasons why unexpected deaths happen. Sometimes, in certain circumstances, I believe it IS God’s will for a family member or friend to be moved from mortality to the spirit world before we would consider it their time to go. Remember, while the Lord weeps when we weep, we know death is part of God’s plan for us and I don't think it is viewed as a tragedy by Him. However, with suicide, I do NOT believe that it is ever God’s will for an individual to end their own life. NEVER is it God’s will for someone to leave this life by suicide. One of the most difficult things for me to swallow is that on March 13, 2020, although Heavenly Father did not support my brother’s decision, He allowed my brother to follow through with that awful choice. Why though, if suicide is not His will? If it’s NOT His will, and He is a God of miracles, and there were plenty of people readily available who could have been an instrument in God’s hands to help Sam, then why not? 

I’ve thought this through quite a bit and have related a lot with a message shared by Elder Donald L Hallstrom who said, “What about the innumerable, faith-filled, unendingly-prayed-for, covenant-keeping, full-of-hope, Latter-day Saints whose miracle never comes…What about them?” ("Has the Day of Miracles Ceased? October 2017)   In other words, what about ME? I’m a pretty consistent journal keeper. March 1st, 2020 – “I’m fasting today for Sam who is really struggling mentally…” What about US?! I don’t know the answer. Honestly, it’s incredibly frustrating. That day, my wife and I, my siblings, grandparents, and my very “faith-filled” parents were sitting around the cabin reading, playing games, and creating great family memories. Each of us had received and was worthy of the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Each of us had said countless prayers on Sam’s behalf while we watched him struggle for over a year. Why in the world did Heavenly Father not prompt any one of us to go find him? I don’t know the answer to that question and maybe won’t until after this life. Gratefully, I have found some comfort for the time being to help me keep growing and learning.

In the hours after he died, as I had the miserable experience of carrying and caring for my brother’s lifeless body, I had to reconcile the crushing sense of abandonment and sadness I felt with what I knew about God, revelation, prayer, and all the other foundational spiritual concepts I’d built my life around. In the middle of this sorrow that by far surpassed any pain I had ever experienced, I had a powerful and faith-building thought enter my mind. Looking back now, I consider it part of an ongoing miracle that allowed me to push through the dark storm in my mind. The thought was something like this: 

If each of us was worthy of the Holy Spirit’s guidance, and God did NOT choose to move any one of us to help Sam, then that means the Lord allowed him to use his agency to make that awful decision. And if God Himself allowed such a terrible choice to be made, then I needed to trust that Sam is in His loving hands and that it’s going to be ok. 

I shared that insight with my family then and I've mulled it over many times over these last eight months. That simple thought has been magnified and cemented in my mind and heart.  I am eternally grateful I had that miraculous thought when I did as it granted some relief to my family and me.

Now back to that miracles discussion with friends. As I was readying myself to explain my insight, one of my friends, who has struggled herself with mental illness and suicidal thoughts, shared about a rough day she had recently. Miraculously, when she was feeling very depressed, her older brother, a bit out of character, reached out at just the right time and clearly expressed his love for her. While she talked, she and I both teared up. I’ve said many, many prayers for this friend, so to hear of her miracle, being lifted by her brother, was powerful and personal for me. But wow it hurt. Here I was, about to share that God did NOT send me, the oldest brother, to save my little bro, and she explains a personal miracle that I so desperately wanted for my family. As we told our different experiences, the feelings of frustration and disappointment were matched and exceeded by a feeling of love and hope. It became a tender experience I always want to remember.

I had a deep urge to tell someone in my family about that discussion, but it didn’t feel right to tell them all at once. After considering my family members, I felt like I should call my brother just younger than me. As we talked and cried, he shared with me a spiritual experience he’d had earlier in the week that in many ways mirrored one of my own after Sam died. Both our experiences are very sacred and inappropriate to share over a blog. However, they clarified for us, the oldest brothers of the family, our absolute confidence that Sam is in the Lord’s loving hands, that he is ok, and that he works with Jesus Christ, the Savior of the World, to help those of us still here to stay faithful through this life. Was it a coincidence that I felt to call THIS brother? Maybe on another day, I would unfortunately have allowed God to “remain anonymous,” but on that blessed day of spiritual and emotional sensitivity, I gratefully recognized that prompting to call him for the intimate miracle it was.

Gratitude for Miracles - #GIVETHANKS

“Has the day of miracles ceased?” (Moroni 7:35)  Not a chance. I don’t know why Heavenly Father didn’t provide us the miracle we put our sincerest faith into seeking, but I am grateful for the countless miracles, recognized and anonymous, that He has provided since Sam’s death. Many of those miracles were carried out through mortal angels inspired to do God’s work in helping our family to heal. I know Sam is ok because of his faith in Jesus Christ and through the Grace of God. There is hope. There is always hope. And peace, I've learned,  always comes with time as we choose to hold on to hope.

As we head into Thanksgiving this week, I want to express my deep gratitude for miracles. I have seen so many! For those who feel how my family often feels - that the desired miracle hasn't come or isn’t coming - I encourage you to ask God for the ability to see and recognize the miracles that take place all around you. They are not coincidences. You will know, as I know, that He knows. He understands your pain. He is a God of miracles. He will give you what you need. He will provide answers and guidance sufficient for you to move forward with joy and peace. Your gratitude and acknowledgement of His miracles, big and small, will accelerate your healing. I know it has for me. #givethanks 

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